DON'T INSULT ME!!!

I'm basically just posting a post I was GONNA elsewhere in response to a former co-worker and supposed "friend" and, at LEAST, "partner in crime" in this Bullshit Cutthroat business of Music we are BOTH involved in and STRUGGLING with ... BUT ... the motherfucker pissed me off, dissing my Life's Work for NO other reason than to promote HIS sad-ass, TRULY useless, unprofessional, SLIGHTLY, at BEST, talented band! BUT, rather than be like whom I'm blasting here, I'm ONLY posting it here, my blog that's never read!! And, here it is:

And here I swear: I shall NEVER disparage ANY band that "stole my gig," because (in a twist on those those ridiculous Love sayings), if I was doing MY job, you COULDN'T "steal it." I shall NEVER feel I am being "oppressed" by "The Man" (read: Club Owners) because my percs were cut, or my pay was cut -- because HE has a BUSINESS to run, just as I do. Is it ALL my fault folks don't come out EVERY week to see my band? NO --- BUT, if I do NOTHING to PROMOTE my band, I will NOT get shitty about a club owner who busts my ass about low attendance! I shall NEVER bitch about ANY band, especially during these Obamanation Days of Financial Despair, doing WHATEVER, negotiating WHATEVER to GET THAT REGULAR GIG we ALL drool over. BUT, BITCH!!!!!!.... If you DO "steal my gig," for WHATEVER reason, all I ask is what I would do for you: In your promos, PLEASE, ESPECIALLY since we have thrown you Benjamin after Benjamin BEFORE you (or, if you want to stay "benign," one of your "representatives" ... blah, blah, blah semantics!) threw the right bug in the right person's ear at the right time (the SECRET to "success"!!!), with NO more expectations other than showing UP, QUIETLY enduring your lack of interest in OUR project, lack of work to LEARN our material even on a SIMPLE level, lack of real appreciation of the fact that you were basically garnering "Local Musician's Scale" of $100 for REALLY just being, by YOUR level of involvement, a "Chair Filler, a la, The Oscars," ESPECIALLY if you treated us as friends and equals --- BUILD YOUR BAND UP, withOUT cutting OURS DOWN, FUCKER! FUCK YOU if you post ANYWHERE, do ANY promo that states, emphasizes, or even IMPLIES that before YOU got the gig, WE (who BROUGHT YOU IN and paid you GOOD money) SUCKED SO hard that YOUR New Presence is gonna make their world BETTER!! SHOUT out, "WE'RE HERE!!!!" SHOUT OUT, "WE'RE FUCKING AWESOME!!!" SHOUT OUT, "WE'RE GONNA MAKE YOU PARTY YOUR ASS OFF!" SHOUT OUT, "WE ROCKED This joint and That joint," but, REALLY --- do you have to PISS ON US, saying that BEFORE you got this gig, the night you now have was BAD, SAD, and UNBEARABLE?!?!?! PLEASE, Dude! Do NOT compel me to go on and on here and there and EVERYWHERE, just as YOU have SO publicly, about just how hard YOUR band sucks (and, it DOES ... BUT .... just as YOU have so indiscriminately done of late, implying MY band sucks -- I could post a NUMBER of comments, with DETAILS, that would cause folks to stay away in DROVES from ALL your gigs! BUT ... I won't, you ridiculous self-involved over-stuffed half-assed so-called musician). It IS just business --- do NOT force me to make it a WAR, which you will SADLY lose to the detriment of your calling and your family's needs! I have NOTHING to lose --- you DO! ADJUST your POSTS, dammit --- not because we're on the receiving end of a hole in our calendar (because, I ASSURE you, we shall rise above this "loss" ... will YOU? Your ENTIRE personnel list is tenuous -- not so much MINE!), but because it is THE RIGHT THING TO DO!!!

Ciao!

OMG! A HAT TRICK for Mr. Death!!

Good Evening/Morning, Faithful Non-Readers of my Stealth Blog! Home again from a Gig, high on the sense of accomplishment, frivolity, socializing and, most recently, the Juice Of The Sacred Agave Cactus!!:)

WHAT A FUCKING DAY!!!! Personally AND Globally! THREE, count 'em, THREE LARGE, culturally, HISTORICALLY Everlasting Public Figures succumbed to that Never-Ending Sleep today! AND, this EASILY trumps the most recent occurrence I can think of, the DUAL passing of (pretty much, in my opinion, FAR overblown, or at the least, VERY suspect in CHARACTER, but weighted by the fact that, to me, even strongly indicated SUPPOSITION of crimes against CHILDREN FAR outweighs any suspect actions towards those who have come of legal age .. not that I do not PITY the latter ... but I FUME at the taking advantage of the FORMER!!!) M. Jackson and Ms. Fawcett.

For August 26, 2009 -- SECOND RUNNER-UP in the Death Follies: Dominick Dunne at age 83(who, I SO sadly found out tonight is SO "obscure" in the public's mind!! STUNNED, would be a better word! I don't see myself as a "star-fucker," knowing the details of myriad luminaries' lives simply out of voyeurism --- but, I guess SO, to an extent --- NOBODY I talked to about it tonight even knew who D.D WAS!!!?!?! Let alone his personal tragedies and tribulations and "crusades" -- THAT made me almost as sad as his passing!). The BRILLIANT author of numerous novels, a highly regarded journalist, the Father of Griffin Dunne, the brilliant actor and director; MOST affectedly the Father of the murdered, fledgling Actress, Dominique Dunne, of (VERY sadly, ONLY Major Movie role!) "Poltergeist" fame, her life stifled at the tender age of 22 by her twisted boyfriend, J.T. Sweeney, the long-term violent asshole who STRANGLED HER TO DEATH because Dominique would not agree to reconcile with him after a lengthy term of abuse. He, due to defense attorney wrangling, got convicted ONLY of manslaughter in GREAT part because his history of violence was excluded from the murder trial --- AND he was sentenced to a LOWLY 6.5 years, of which he only served 4!!!! Long story sort, this sent her Father, Dominick, on a path of writings and Civil Involvement that included his VERY visible presence at the O.J. Simpson Trial/CIRCUS, acting as a "reporter," but actually making himself a VERY visible advocate of Parents STRONGLY Opposed to Men Who Abuse Their PARTNERS!

FIRST RUNNER-UP: Ellie Greenwich, the co-author with the now-NOTORIOUS genius, Phil Spector, and ex-hubby Jeff Barry of such GREAT, LASTING songs as "Chapel Of Love," "Be My Baby," "Leader Of The Pack," "Da Do Ron Ron," "River Deep, Mountain High," and so on and so on; at the YOUNG age of 68. Why do I place this Lady a step above D. Dunne in my "pantheon of Important Passings?" In the world of "REAL, EMOTIONAL, HUMAN" affect -- D.D.'s story is tragic and intense and anything BUT "fluff;" but, let's face it --- folks will be listening to Ms. Greenwich's artistry LONG after the last human has forgotten D.Dunne, don't you agree?

And, the CROWN goes to the UNDISPUTED Champ of "WOW! That's sad --- and, omg, look at his life and what's he's ACCOMPLISHED in it!!!" Senator Edward Moore "Ted" Kennedy!!!! Kennedy played a major role in passing many laws that affect the lives of all Americans, including the Immigration and Nationality Act of 1965, the National Cancer Act of 1971, the Comprehensive Anti-Apartheid Act of 1986, the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990, the Ryan White AIDS Care Act in 1990, the Civil Rights Act of 1991, the Mental Health Parity Act in 1996 and 2008, the State Children's Health Insurance Program in 1997, the No Child Left Behind Act in 2002, and the Edward M. Kennedy Serve America Act in 2009. (Source: Wikipedia). And that's just the TIP of the iceburg of events he has had to suffer through, endure, rise above, etc. his ENTIRE life (simply --- just imagine carrying on in a HUGE way ... after two of YOUR siblings were BRUTALLY murdered!!!

The "personal" stuff? Believe it or not, I think I'll put that aside until later --- these "PUBLIC Tragedies" truly take precedent.
Ciao.

"Honesty ... is hardly ever heard...."

"and mostly what I need from you." A GREAT lyric from The Great Bill Joel ... and SUCH BULLSHIT!!!! (Not on HIS part --- I'm sure he was sincere at the time)

Let's change an American catchphrase tonight from, "blah, blah, blah" to "blog, blog, blog," 'k? How MANY frickin' blogs are out there today; how many are not even READ (like THIS one -- LOL!)? But, those that ARE, and are FOLLOWED --- WHY do you posters get so BENT or HURT or TWISTED when someone posts some comment that is REALLY HONEST, in response to what YOU posted? Isn't openness and honesty the POINT of this venue? Well, of COURSE not --- we're STILL all insecure HUMANS (and, to be TOTALLY honest, part of the JOY I get out of this unread blog is the fact that my ACTUAL name is not ON it --- even though, if ANYONE I know even SOCIALLY would read it, they'd KNOW it was me!! LOL!)! The reason I love THIS blog is because I KNOW no one is READING it -- I can be TOTALLY, UNABASHEDLY honest, with NO repercussions! As opposed to making some (in MY mind, anyway) relatively benign comment on someone ELSE'S blog, in fact, a comment meant to be HELPFUL -- and having to read post after post ranging from, "oh, I hope I'm not doing that -- I feel so bad --- you MUST have misunderstood" to "who the fuck are YOU?!?! How could you SAY such a thing?!?!?"

So, rant over (and, truly, it's just because I was trying to give a friend some business advice that has YEARS of SUCCESS to back up its methods, I mentioned a tactic to her), let's get REAL! NO ONE, TRULY, wants an HONEST OPINION about ANYTHING!!! We're just not MADE that way anymore! We're the product of INTENSE media manipulation that has told us hour after hour, day after day, month after month, year after year, our ENTIRE Lifetime, "You are just FINE!!! Your are GREAT!!!! Though, it wouldn't HURT if you bought THIS from US to make you everything you have ever WANTED to BE ... and to make you EVERYTHING you've ever ENVIED in OTHERS!!! 'Cause, NO, you ARE beautiful --- but you'd be HAPPIER ... and maybe even MORE Beautiful, if you did THIS!!!! TRUST US!!! REALLY!!! THIS Famous Head says so ... and THAT Famous Artists says so ... so it MUST be true!!! Wouldn't you really RATHER have a BUICK!?!?!?!" It all boils down to that cliche (but ALWAYS occurring, nonetheless!!!) question we insecure swingin' dicks get: Does my butt look big in these pants?!?! Like, if you told the TRUTH, it'd be OK?!?!?!? ROFLMAO!!!

Ciao, Babies!

OH, WHAT A NIGHT!!!

Hello, Good Non-Readers!!! "Another Saturday Night and I ain't got no money. I got some money, 'cuz I JUST GOT PAID!!!!" Well, HELL -- the Project From Hell, the BANE of my existence for SO many weeks, is DONE (for the moment --- MAYBE!), and (oh, do NOT even tell me she is SO stupid/crafty to not KNOW better!) JUST before we went on stage, she paid us all --- 2X what we get for a FOUR HOUR night, for playing for ONE HOUR!!!! (But, to be real, it would have been even MORE off-the-fucking-CHARTS if, after doling out the cash, she HADN'T said, "Oh, yeah, THANK YOU, Boss" in that shitty tone she uses SO well that says, "Look at ME --- I'm the BOMB!!! Look what I did for YOU!!!" rather than just hand us the Wad and keep her frickin' mouth SHUT!). ANYWAY ....

Here I sit, blogging and tossing The Toy for My Dearest Friend/Pet, WAY hyped up and drunk off my ass and HAPPY, HAPPY, JOY, JOY!! Because, even though I would give our performance tonight a C+ at best (because I am SUCH a self-critical BITCH --- as IMPARTIALLY as I can be at RARE times, I would give us a B+, MAINLY based upon Audience Reaction --- which matters a LOT more than MY pissy opinion on ANY given day!!), what a FUN TIME I had performing tonight!!!

OMG --- SOOOO much I could go on and on and on and on and on and on about at this time -- BUT, My Precious would rather I throw the Toy, NOBODY will EVER read this but ME, so --- I SHALL toss the Toy, 'cuz I'm ENERGIZED WAY beyond my years;)! Ciao!

Our GREATEST Fears!

Hello, Non-Readers! Here I go with more words for the absent masses:)!

Another of the "wonderful" things about getting older --- year by year, decade by decade, one's values and "benchmarks" change (well, at least they SHOULD -- sorry for being pompous/bitchy, but if your views about life, the universe and everything do NOT change as you pass through your life, then you're just not paying attention!). Now there are a LOT of subjects along that line I COULD go on an on and on about, but for tonight I'm just focusing on FEAR.

When I was but a wee lad, WAY back in the mid-1960's, I was afraid of the dark; and, like most children, for no particular reason. Not to the extent of having to have a light on in my room all night, but if I had a bad dream and woke up to darkness, or if I simply naturally woke up before dawn, I was "petrified." I CLEARLY remember, some 40+ years ago and rather often for YEARS, waking up just a few hours before dawn for whatever reason, scared out of my wits but "not being a baby" (read: waited it out rather than running to my parent's room! Hell, one of the few times I did that, I caught my parents in flagrante delicto, bless their hearts:) -- but I learned not to do THAT again ---LOL!!:)!!)), knowing I had an available constant --- I lived in a suburb of Chicago at the time, evidently in a flightpath at the time, so I knew that as soon as I heard a jet pass overhead on its way to a landing at O'Hare Airport, everything would be just FINE! And sure enough, VERY soon after I heard that first Jetliner, I was fast asleep. Then ...

I've been afraid of heights, I've been afraid of whupins from my Dad (and, DAMMIT, spare me the psycho-babble bullshit -- my Dad whipped my ass for a NUMBER of reasons in my youth, and 99.9% of the time, I DEARLY deserved it --- he wasn't "CRUEL," he didn't "scar me for life"), I've been afraid of ridicule for being fat (file more so under "Insecurity" rather than "Fear"), I've been afraid of my basement, I've been afraid of rejection, I've been afraid of failing at whatever endeavor, I've been afraid of my Dad's reaction to a bad report card, etc., etc., and so on. All, really, LITTLE fears that at any given time in my development I've faced and overcome, overall, with little effort. I have NEVER truly feared death --- say it's because I found myself to be an Atheist at the age of 12 (maybe not that clearly DEFINED then, but known just the same) and, let's face it --- no belief in "Afterlife Retribution," no REAL fear of death! Again, all "MINOR" (read: non-DEBILITATING!!!) Fears. BUT, the things I've TRULY feared all my life have been "control issue" fears; e.g., things that could very well happen to me (and I DO mean that in the MOST intransitive sense!) and I could NOT get out of under my own steam (or, to be honest, at least as I THOUGHT).

Here we go with the "A" fear from LONG ago, that has developed into the FINER "A, V2.0" of the present day. The "A" fear was Incarceration For A Crime I Did Not Commit!!! Fine edge (worst-case scenario, of COURSE, since we're talking about FEARS here!), being arrested for a MURDER I did not commit (even FINER edge, a la "The Fugitive," being CONVICTED of said crime!!!). Now, that's bad enough -- BUT, even after convicted, there's a LONG drawn-out legal process in place that could VERY well keep me incarcerated but ALIVE for decades. (Side-bar: One of the few things I have RAILED against along these lines --- once upon a time, a few years back, living in a small, narrow-minded Northern Midwest Burg, some ASSHOLE got it in his head it would be a GREAT idea to build up a DNA database, so let's allow EVERY Cop --- and, don't get me wrong --- overall, I have a GREAT respect for those who choose to Protect and Serve --- to take a DNA sample from ANYONE, as long as they have been approached/pulled for a "legitimate reason." In other words, I have a burned out taillight, I get pulled, Officer Fife can run a swab in my mouth. Now, superficially, that sounds OK --- BUT, Cops are people, TOO!!! They make MISTAKES!!!! If I am to give a DNA sample, I want an EXPERT in the collection of DNA to TAKE that sample!!! I don't want some distracted Barney swabbing my mouth and labelling it WRONG, just to put MY name on his NEXT traffic violator who just MAY be the newest Hannibal Lecter --- get my drift?). Anyway, what has become, in my 50th year of life, "A(fear), V2.0"? Being COMMITTED to a psychiatric facility by force!!!

OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!! Now, granted, most of the books I've read of late, most of the movies I've seen of late, that DEAL with such a thing happened Pre-1950, which in terms of psychological "acumen" are PREHISTORIC to today's "enlightened" level of "understanding"; STILL!! Bad enough, sitting in an interrogation room with a couple Detectives grilling you about something you KNOW you didn't do --- in the END, all you have to say is, "LAWYER," and they're DONE! BUT, if you're COMMITTED!!!! There is really NOTHING you could say that could not be EASILY twisted into a case for insanity -- even the MOST sane thing you OFFER!!! Now THAT'S fucking SCARY!! The ULTIMATE loss of control of your destiny! Think of the most INTENSE discussion/argument you have EVER had with a friend or colleague, even KNOWING that their mind was made up --- in the end, y'all could just simply agree to disagree, go out and have a beer, and be friends tomorrow. Now take that SAME argument/discussion and replace your Friend with the Head of the Asylum you've been committed to ... and all HE has to say, when he gets perturbed by your opinions, is say, "You're obviously disturbed ... we're going to inject you with this ... take 'em back to their padded cell"!!!!!!!!

MY GREATEST FEAR!!! Ciao!

Go ahead -- say it ONE more FRICKIN' TIME!!!

I'm sure pretty much everyone continuously uses and/or continuously hears a phrase that on one day reflects your attitude, brings you peace ... and on another day just makes you want to THROTTLE the SUMBITCH who's saying it, even if it is yourself doing the talking. Mine? "IT IS WHAT IT IS!" Not anything unique by any means, but the mantra for those of us continually involving ourselves in situations that repeatedly annoy us, yet which we cling to for dear life. Such it is with my band. It is used in reference 99% of the time to one particular member. From last night through this moment, that obnoxious phrase has been roiling through my head as, yet again, the "needs" (read: WANTS) of the one outweighed the needs of the many ... and I am ready to strangle someone, if not myself, soon! OMG, just WHAT am I rattling on about? Well, just in CASE someone reads this (NOT likely!), I'll be vague --- you know, "the names have been changed to protect the...."

SHIT HAPPENS! I am OK with that phrase. SHOW BUSINESS is a BUSINESS! Given? OK. So, back in the "real world," I can not recall in my EXTENSIVE exposure to said experiences, usually involving being a minion in the rank and file of someone or someone'S viable business -- print shop here, pharmaceutical company this way, casino there, toy store WAY over THERE! -- at ANY point the "Boss; co-Boss; Owner, Co-Owner; whatever title" saying, "Hey, I want to get my diddle on just because, and it will overlap to a day you would NORMALLY work, but I won't be there, and I have the ONLY keys to the front door ... SO, no work that day, OK?" ADDING, "Oh, and, by the way, since the doors will be locked, YOU don't get paid, OK?" Now add THIS -- "I TRIED to get the customers to accept a sub-standard product which would ALLOW you to work, but they wouldn't go for it ... SORRY!" FUCK YOU!!!! We ALL need to get away at times --- if you're IN CHARGE, you make the effort to get away ... BUT, when it looks like it won't work out without sucking money out of those who make your business VIABLE, you say, "SHIT! Oh well, maybe later ... dammit, I REALLY wanted to go ... but folks DEPEND on ME for their livelihood --- and, as much as I WANT it to be -- it's NOT all about me ...DAMMIT!!!" and you DO NOT get your diddle on, BITCH!!! Really --- am I out of LINE here?!?!? I don't THINK so!!!! Ciao!

SAFE!!! STILL no-one is reading my thoughts -- WHEW!!:)

Oh my FUGGIN GAWD, my forearm HURTS!!!!!!!!!! No, Dear Non-Readers, NOT from jacking off (though, I must admit, it probably SHOULD have that reason!) -- NO, Methinks in ALL sincerity, from The Love Of My World, PERFORMING!!! I KNOW you don't care, but here it is --- I have for years banged upon a fully-weighted 88-key 'board .. while THAT was in the shop, I took to playing a 'board with the same "guts," but physically I would have to liken it to the CHEAPEST 'board you could buy at K-Mart! Now, the IDEA was to have to use it for a few weeks ... a "few weeks" turned into THREE FUCKING MONTHS!!! SO .. as ELATED as I am to have my "real" 'board back, the PHYSICAL difference finally caught up with me tonight --- and I can barely hold a fifth of Cuervo in my right hand (my BANG IT FUCKING OUT!!!!! hand) without cringing!! As if I don't have ENOUGH pains to deal with!

Speaking of which, OMFG, last night! I have NO clue why, but I spent the better part of the Wee Hours writhing on the floor, YELLING out that I was NOT ready to DIE!!!! In other words, I had NO more than "usual" the number of shots @ the bar ... wasn't even REMOTELY drunk as I drove home ... downed a SMALL amount of Cuervo (for ME) when I DID get home, did NOT consume some large nor nasty amount of foodage on top of it -- BUT, before the crack of 2:30AM --- WAY early for me --- I was trying to find SOME way for the heart-hurt to stop HURTING, my pulse RACING, the chest pains INCREDIBLE, NO lying/sitting/standing position comfortable at the LEAST!!!! Thank GOODNESS for my puppy, because he kept coming up to me on the floor and giving me succor! If not for him, who knows? BUT, here I am, "I'M STILL STANDING!!!!!!" Well, sitting and not falling off the chair, so that's close enough! AND, as I am SO often wont to do --- I have "repeated the experiment" this night ... and I am just HAPPILY FUBAR:)!!!!!!!!

Does that make me a bad drunk/person? LOL! Ciao!